Weird Flex, Dude

Remember humble-bragging? "Ugh.  My kids are involved in so many extracurricular activities!" Translated: "Look how fabulous and accomplished my kids are. I'm exhausted, but I'm such a great parent, I set aside my own needs and live only to serve and chauffeur them."  It's still a thing, but it's so ubiquitous now, we've mostly tuned it out. Just another narcissistic trait we've normalized and adopted into mainstream culture.

Similar to humble-bragging and something creeping more and more into social discourse lately is the "weird flex."

For those of you not in the know, like I am, because I'm familiar with all of the latest terminology... Hahaha... The beginning of this paragraph is a "weird flex." It's being proud of something that doesn't really justify pride. In other words, who the eff cares that I know rando terms that will be outdated before I can even hit "publish" on this post? But yeah. I'm down. It's really similar to humble-bragging. In fact, there's a lot of overlap in humble-bragging and weird flexing. But while the humble-brag hides the boast in a complaint, the weird flex often pokes fun at people who can't claim the same "talent" or attribute. Here are some common weird flexes, you've probably witnessed in the world (some of which I'm guilty* of saying/doing, I have to admit) .

1. "Well, I know how to drive a standard transmission vehicle." [posts meme laughing at those who never learned]
Good for you! You're old enough that you had to learn the hard way. Congrats on making so many trips around the sun!

2. "Click 'like' if you know what/who this [insert picture of obsolete item or obscure person] is, but don't spoil it in the comments."
Knowing things and withholding opportunities for others to learn is awesome!

3. "We're a non-GMO, non-BPA, no-outside-shoes, all-natural, all-organic, anti-vax, gluten-free, no sugar, no electronics household."
Yay! More cake and wi-fi for the rest of us!

4. "Check out the list of brands/franchises I'm boycotting."*
Oooh! I think you got "Bingo!"

5. "Oh, I don't believe in [name something that has nothing to do with 'belief' or 'disbelief']."
All right. Well... it exists, so... mkay.

6. "I just can't handle peopling. I'm such an introvert!"*
Being anti-social is finally cool!

7. "I never get a flu shot, but it's no biggie. When I do get sick, I never take a sick day."
Gee, thanks. Wanna donate your unused sick days to the rest of us, since we have to use all of ours when you leave your germs on the photocopier?

8. "I only wash my hair once a week."
Thought I smelled something. Oh, my gosh! Something just moved in there!

9. "Last weekend, I got rid of everything in my house that doesn't bring me joy." [Pauses.] "Has anyone seen my husband?"
I've yet to get joy from a roll of toilet paper, but I think I'll hang on to that and a few other things that--while not joyful--do serve important purposes.

10. "I can't tell you the last time I cleaned my house. We just don't bother with housework anymore."*
Right... So... About that invitation to dinner at your place... I don't "believe" in dirty houses. Why don't I pick you up in my stick-shift car, so we can go out for a meal together? Just make sure it's somewhere not on this list... [unrolls boycott list longer than a CVS receipt]. You know what? Never mind. I'm not good at peopling, and we probably won't be able to find a decent non-GMO, gluten-free place. Plus, it's flu season cough, cough; hack, hack, AND it's the night I wash my hair and oil my flugelhorn, which brings me a lot of joy. I'd tell you what that is, but if you don't already know, must not be meant to understand. Probably too young, or something. Anyway...

List some of your "favorite" weird flexes in the comments! Even better if you're guilty of them.